12pm Thoughts

This is just a musing. I want to get this off my chest and write it as an open journal entry.

Dear Reader,

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my addictive tendencies. We know what they are, so no need to share with them again.

Before, I would tell myself I am an addict. I will always be an addict. I shouldn’t have a laptop or a phone, or money because that would feed the behaviors.

However, that doesn't address the root.

The root is what am I finding relief from?

Why am I using certain vices to alleviate the pain that I’ve been struggling with?

Why the pain?

Also, why do I find myself unacceptable?

I have empirical evidence that shame feeds the cycles of addiction over and over again.

I am a bad person, therefore what’s the point of modulating my behavior?

The more I thought that I didn’t meet my standards in some twisted way, the more I’d keep doing that behavior.

So today, I want to be honest with myself.

I am a good person. I’ve done good things. I’ve made mistakes, and that’s okay.

We’re all a work in progress.