April Is Around the Corner

April Is Around the Corner

The snow has finally melted here in New England. Spring is here.

Right now, I work in healthcare as a Direct Support Professional. I pass meds and take care of the basic needs of my clients. It pays the bills, and there are parts of it I genuinely respect.

But I don’t want to do this forever.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to help people in a meaningful way. Somewhere along the way, I realized that dream doesn’t match the reality. There’s a lot of responsibility, and the day-to-day work, especially dealing with bodily waste, wears on you.

So I’m transitioning.

I’m looking into going back to school for IT, and I’m also exploring starting a business.

I’ve been working on an idea called LeadGuard. The concept is simple: help small businesses respond to leads faster so they don’t lose potential customers. It’s less about generating leads and more about not wasting the ones you already have.

I have a meeting next week with a software company to see if this could actually become something real, whether I build it myself or rebrand an existing solution.

So that’s where I’m at practically.

Mentally and spiritually… it’s a little more complicated.

Last night I had a vivid dream. It jumped across different settings—conflict, religion, family, identity. It didn’t feel random. It felt like my brain was trying to process something deeper, even if I don’t fully understand it.

I woke up feeling a pull toward Christianity.

But here’s the tension: I don’t feel compelled to practice it in the traditional sense.

I haven’t been going to church consistently. When I have gone recently, I’ve walked out. Not because I don’t believe in God or Jesus, but because something about the structure and culture doesn’t sit right with me anymore.

When I was younger, I was all in. Church, Bible, community, I enjoyed it.

Over time, that changed. Especially as I saw how the church handled people dealing with mental illness.

I live with a condition that’s managed through medication, along with self-awareness and learning how my own mind works. Right now, I’m stable. I’m thinking clearly.

But I still find myself asking bigger questions.

Five years ago, I attempted suicide. At that moment, something in me believed I couldn’t continue. I took lithium with the intention of ending my life.

If I hadn’t told my roommate what I did, I wouldn’t be here writing this.

That’s a strange thing to sit with.

I’m grateful to be alive. At the same time, I don’t fully understand what led me there, or what exactly brought me back.

So now I’m here.

Working a job that isn’t my long-term path. Building toward something new.
Questioning old beliefs. Trying to make sense of my past.

I don’t have clean answers.

But I’m still moving.

The goal in life is to scratch the itch of solving problems. I enjoy building apps with Lovable and I want to sell again.

I have thoughts that I could make a lot of money in the future.

Who knows, but I keep plugging away.