Dear Diary: Entry 3: Overcoming

A look at the act of overcoming.

Dear Diary,

Overcoming.

That's the word that comes to mind when I look at my situation.

I am overcoming.

I am overcoming my illness.

I am overcoming the world.

I have overcome before, and I'll do it again.

Today, I want to look at the practice of reframing.

How do you change a persistent thought?

In all honesty, I struggle hard with my thought life.

I constantly am bombarded with negative thoughts, and I have always struggled with this.

Some days are good, but other days, it can be very overwhelming.

Okay, this is what I learned from my mentors and study.

When I have a negative thought like I CAN'T do something.

Reframe it: Instead of I CAN'T say HOW can I do something?

When I have a negative thought, like I'm WORTHLESS.

Reframe it: Instead of saying I'm WORTHLESS, say I'm not there yet.

I live with a condition that is regulated by medication, and that's a reframe of thought.

I don't say that I'm bipolar or schizoaffective because those are categories in which limiting beliefs reside.

I am overcoming.

I have proven to myself and others that I have thrived with this condition.

When I used to work for a tech startup ten years ago, no one knew that I suffered or managed a mental disorder.

Sure, I had my quirks, but all in all, I kept my condition buried in the world.

When I became the Highest Achiever in my department and made my sales goals as a sales development representative, I was deeply satisfied with myself.

If only people knew that years before, I was placed in a padded room and bound to a bed.

I was completely out of my mind.

I smeared my own feces on myself and peed on myself in my own insanity.

I have overcome.

I live with my trauma, and yet God has given me perspective and insight into my condition and life.

Lately, people at my church are reminding me that God will use me in a mighty way.

That He's not done with me.

They won't allow me to wollow in my misary because they see something in me.

The past couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot.

I have thinking about my purpose and the purpose of others.

I been comtemplating the idea of meaning and motivation.

What's the fuel that makes a person act in their life?

What's the thing that gives me purpose?

Am I limited because I have a mental illness?

Does my medication hinder my brain process?

I have a plethora of questions and new ones bubble up to the surface.

All that to say, I am a child of God, a righteoues person, a Tzadik.

I am not defined by schizoaffective disorder, my medication, or my struggles.

I am whole and complete because of what Christ has done on the cross.

He gives me the strength to move beyond my condition to pursue a greater glory.

This week was tough I only worked 14 hours because I didn't feel well mentally.

I need to work more and put in more hours as a Lyft driver.

I will be better and I will overcome.

Thanks for reading.