Dear Jesus,
A poem about Jesus and Crown and Suicide
Dear Jesus,
I heard of you when I was young.
I wasn't sure what to expect.
My family followed you and they told me to follow you.
With blind faith, I said the prayer.
Dear Jesus,
Come into my heart.
Be my Lord and Savior.
Lead me as I walk through this life.
I will follow you no matter the cost.
Redeem my flesh and let my light shine.
Wrapped up in emotions these were the words uttered as a child.
I didn't know what to expect.
And yet here I was in a belief system that told me this was the righteous path.
I always felt guilty about my crimson sin.
Shame shook my soul as I went back to my earthly pleasures.
I wore royalty as I poured my double Crown neat.
With three sheets to the wind, I drown myself in deep despair.
I am unworthy to follow you, my bones beckon.
I don’t know who you are.
As I race in this car we call life.
Going a mile a minute avoiding the potholes and slowing down for the speed humps.
I jump with terror as I wander in my error.
Are you real, Jesus?
Doubts dare to take me away from you.
Footprints leave imprints in the sand and I am told it's you who carry me.
Weak, I swallow the lithium poison.
Judge me.
Send me to my demise.
Cast me away from who you are because I cannot bear your name.
I am stained as I waiver far away from my Savior.
Jesus, who are you?
Have you called me out from the grave?
Have you given me a new heart to start apart my sins?
I doubt you yet you still love me.
Love.
What is love?
A chemical reaction.
A release of oxytocin, relieving my aches?
Jesus, my heart is sick.
I am good, but you are better.
Change my brain as I train my mind to follow your instructions.
Help me to deny myself.
Dear Jesus,
Allow me to love as you do up above.
Lead me beside still waters.
Let my tree bear good fruit as I am planted by the river of Life.
Strife may come yet you remain.
Tame this heart, submitting to the commitment I made to you as a child.
Jesus,
I ask for you to open my ears to the whispers of the Helper.
Control this self as I silence the horn to porn.
Today, allow me to love myself so I can love my neighbor.
I pray you stay each day to pay for those who guided me.
Where can I go to escape your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
Psalm 139:7-8
Lord, to whom will we go?
You have the words of eternal life.
John 6:68
I let go, and yet your anchor grounds me.
I am tethered to your invisible hand as I stand through the clouds of despondency.
You called, gave my belief, always provided, and never let go.