Fuck High-Control Religious Environments
Fuck.
So much of my life has been consumed by high-control religious environments. Even though in my twenties I did what I wanted and still lived a full life and explored the world.
I was still bound and influenced by church environments where I wore a mask and pretended to blend into the community.
I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
There were four churches that I had become a member of, affirming their doctrines and creed.
Trinity Baptist Church (New Haven, CT - Nick Lauer & Matt Coburn):
Being explicitly affiliated with 9Marks and The Gospel Coalition (TGC) is a massive structural indicator of how a church operates.
The 9Marks Network: Founded by Mark Dever, 9Marks is essentially the modern operational manual for high-control church architecture. Its entire framework centers on strict membership covenants, elder-led authority, mandatory accountability, and formal church discipline (policing members’ personal lives, relationship choices, and exits under threat of formal censure).
The Gospel Coalition (TGC): TGC is the intellectual center of the modern Neo-Calvinist movement. It enforces rigid theological boundaries, strict complementarian gender roles, and an emphasis on human depravity, total submission, and pastoral control.
Southern Baptist Convention (SBC): Connecting with the SBC links the local church to conservative denominational governance and institutional resources.
NorthWake Church (Wake Forest, NC - Larry Trotter):
Control Model: Reformed Baptist / 9Marks-aligned (Southern Baptist Convention).
High-Control Identifiers: NorthWake uses a formal Covenant Membership structure. Their official governing documents explicitly require members to sign a pledge promising “submission to the elders,” mandatory small-group monitoring, and wholehearted endorsement of their church discipline policy. Their published position papers even threaten formal church discipline against members who attempt to divorce or exit without elder permission.
Summit Church (Raleigh, NC campuses - J.D Greer):
Control Model: SBC Megachurch / Neo-Calvinist Network (Led by J.D. Greear).
High-Control Identifiers: Behind Summit’s modern branding is a high-commitment, top-down governance model. It utilizes strict covenant membership, heavy small-group accountability, rigid complementarian gender roles (women barred from authority), and aggressive corporate-style expansion that has drawn local controversy over church acquisitions.
Cornerstone Christian Center (Milford, CT — Alfred D. Watts)
Structure: Non-denominational Charismatic / Word of Faith / Full Gospel tradition.
High-Control Identifiers: Led by a prominent senior figure like Alfred D. Watts, this environment centers heavily on pastoral “spiritual authority” and covering. High-control mechanisms here rely less on rigid legalistic rulebooks and more on emotional intensity, mandatory alignment with the pastor’s vision, high-stakes spiritual warfare language, and strong pressure around tithing and personal devotion.
Fuck Alfred D. Watts, J.D Greer, Matt Coburn, Nick Lauer, and Larry Trotter.
Let me say it again: FUCK those guys. It makes me so angry that I was influenced and I allowed myself to be controlled by these men and affiliated myself with their cultic environment.
Oh, a special fuck you to Craig Morrisette. The man I allowed to convert me to Neo-Calvinism.
They can all suck my dick.
If they represent God and are anointed by God to lead their churches, then get me the fuck away.
Their pigs are wearing lipstick. A bride for Christ? Get the fuck out of here.
If I have to renounce their teachings and their version of Christianity, and that means that makes me an apostate or that now I am going to hell because I’m showing my “bitter” heart, then so be it.
These men are not godly; their churches spread a counterfeit gospel. There is no good news once you become a member of these churches.
These men are the source of my deconstruction. And I want to say it again, if you haven’t understood my position: FUCK THEM.
I’m tired of wearing a mask. I’m tired of acting. I don’t know who Jesus is. If these men and churches represent Jesus, then get the HELL away from me.
Believe whatever you want. Tell them I said this: I’m drawing a line in the sand now.
If I had to be honest, I acted/pretended everywhere the mental hospital being a sane patient to get a early discharge, to church where I didn’t wanted to be ostracized from the community for not adhering to the creed and doctrine, to my family pretending I was a struggling Christian trying to work out my salvation, to work by not wanting to share or show my mental illness.
I don't think I've ever been myself when I was working. I conformed to the culture, but I hid that I had a mental illness and my real feelings of insanity in the Pauline Religious Machine.
Don’t you like my anger and language? Go fuck yourself.
I attempted suicide because I believed in my bones that I was a piece of shit human being, totally not measuring up to the purity and holiness of God.
So the one place I want to be authentic and myself is in my words on my own personal website.
You don’t like it? Go somewhere else.
I’m tired of being manipulated and propagating an idea of faith or otherwise.
I am not going to surrender to any institution or man. You know what? FUCK JESUS.
The modern Christian culture is not Christian; it’s cultic. If you think this control is just a modern corruption, look at the foundation itself.
The Bible is about a God who directly causes death:
Genesis 6:5–7 — God decides to destroy humanity in the Flood.
Genesis 7:21–23 — The Flood kills humans and animals outside the ark.
Genesis 19:24–25 — God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and sulfur.
Exodus 12:12, 29–30 — God strikes down the firstborn of Egypt.
Exodus 32:27–28 — After the golden calf, about 3,000 people are killed by the Levites following Moses’ command.
Leviticus 10:1–2 — Nadab and Abihu are consumed by divine fire.
Numbers 11:1–3 — God sends fire against Israelites complaining in the wilderness.
Numbers 14:26–37 — God condemns the rebellious generation to die in the wilderness.
Numbers 16:31–35 — The earth swallows Korah and others; fire kills additional people.
Numbers 21:4–6 — God sends venomous snakes among Israel.
2 Samuel 6:6–7 — Uzzah touches the Ark and is struck dead.
2 Samuel 24:15–17 — God sends a plague that kills 70,000 Israelites following David’s census.
A God who commands or authorizes killing:
Deuteronomy 7:1–2 — Israel is commanded to destroy several Canaanite peoples.
Deuteronomy 13:6–10 — Israelites who advocate worshiping other gods are to be executed.
Deuteronomy 20:16–18 — Israel is instructed not to leave alive certain populations in cities designated for destruction.
Joshua 6:20–21 — After Jericho falls, the Israelites kill men, women, young and old, and animals.
Joshua 8:24–25 — The population of Ai is killed.
Judges 20:35–48 — Israel destroys much of Benjamin in civil war.
1 Samuel 15:1–3 — Saul is commanded to destroy the Amalekites, including men, women, children, and infants.
Numbers 31:7–18 — Israelites kill Midianite males and then are instructed to kill male children and women who had sexual relations with men.
A God who is an avenger
There are also passages where divine vengeance is explicitly celebrated or threatened:
Deuteronomy 32:35 — Vengeance belongs to God.
Deuteronomy 32:41–43 — God describes taking vengeance on enemies.
Isaiah 34:2 — God’s anger and destruction are directed against nations.
Isaiah 63:3–6 — God describes trampling enemies and carrying out vengeance.
Jeremiah 46:10 — The “day of the Lord” is described as a day of vengeance.
Nahum 1:2 — God is described as jealous and vengeful.
Ezekiel 25:14 — God promises vengeance against Edom.
Psalm 137:7–9 — A brutally violent prayer asks for vengeance against Babylon, including killing infants.
The Hebrew Bible is extremely complicated and horrific, and I will give you that. You might say, "Well, that was the Old Testament.”
The New Testament isn’t any better.
The New Testament actually escalates the stakes from temporary physical destruction to eternal, conscious torment, while demanding total, life-altering sacrifice.
Eternal Torment, Vengeance, and Divine Execution
Revelation 19:11–15 & 14:9–11: Jesus returns on a white horse with eyes like flames of fire to make war, striking down nations with a sword and treading “the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty.” The condemned are “tormented with fire and sulfur... and the smoke of their torment rises for ever and ever.”
2 Thessalonians 1:7–9: Jesus is revealed from heaven in flaming fire, “inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel... They will be punished with everlasting destruction.”
Acts 5:1–11: Ananias and Sapphira are struck dead on the spot by God simply for holding back a portion of their own money and lying to the apostles.
Hebrews 10:28–31: Warns that anyone who rejects Christ deserves far worse punishment than death under Mosaic Law, adding: “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
Matthew 25:41: Jesus explicitly commands the condemned: “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
The Harsh “Cost” of Discipleship & Family Destruction
Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.”
Matthew 10:34–37: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother... a person’s enemies will be the members of his own household.”
Luke 14:33: “In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.”
Matthew 8:21–22: When a follower asks to briefly go and bury his deceased father before joining, Jesus refuses, saying: “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”
Mark 9:43–47: Commands followers to gouge out their own eye or cut off their own hand and foot if it causes them to sin, rather than enter hell with their whole body intact.
If you want to follow and surrender to that God, by all means go ahead. But don’t tell me I don’t know the decision of what I am saying.
Fuck the Bible. God explicitly affirms chattel slavery, and the text is built on an unyielding patriarchal hierarchy. Are you a woman who believes in feminism or self-determination? Again, fuck the Bible, because equality isn't anywhere in it.
You think I’m making this up? Here, check this Bible for yourself:
Explicit Biblical Support for Slavery:
Leviticus 25:44–46: Explicitly allows buying slaves from surrounding nations, treating them as permanent property, and passing them down to children as an inheritance.
Exodus 21:20–21: States that if a master beats a male or female slave with a rod and they survive a day or two, the master is not punished because “the slave is his property.”
Ephesians 6:5 & 1 Peter 2:18: The New Testament explicitly orders slaves to obey their earthly masters with respect and fear, “even those who are harsh.”
Patriarchy and Subjugation of Women:
1 Timothy 2:11–12: “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.”
1 Corinthians 14:34: “Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission...”
Ephesians 5:22–24: Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands in everything, framing the husband as the head of the wife.
Fuck modern Christianity. Fuck God and Jesus. Fuck Alfred, Craig, Nick, Matt, Larry, & J.D. Greer. You think I am going to hell for being honest? Look at these men closely; they’re the ones who are responsible for the individuals deconstructing their faith.
I was born into this SHIT- oh yeah, FUCK LIBERTY UNIVERSITY, the “Christian” school I went to. Fuck Jerry Falwell.
And FUCK CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM.