HyperAwareness: The Art of Feeling It All

The look at empathy and the ability to read the room and our environment.

Sitting in my cubicle, I knew something was up.

He was pacing back and forth from the CEO's office.

He seem worried and nervous.

This behavior went on for days.

The room's atmosphere was charged with anticipation as if big news was about to be announced.

I went to lunch with a few of my colleagues, and we sat down for our food.

As we waited, we talked about the tension in the office.

I spoke up and said Darroll, our COO, is getting fired or stepping down.

Everyone fell silent.

How did you know?

It was a hunch, a subtle yet unmistakable feeling that I couldn't shake off, based on the characteristics and manners I observed over the days and weeks.

This is one example of the survival mechanism that I have developed since I was a child.

A hyper-awareness of my environment.

"Hi, Dad, it's Barnaby; how are you?"

"Good, how's the job?"

We talked and caught up, but I found my Dad was asking the same questions and repeating himself.

This put a signal on my radar, and I knew something was up.

My Dad was recently laid off from Pfizer as a computer technician.

He worked there for years, was highly intelligent, and uber-independent.

It wasn't like to repeat himself.

I had a bad gut feeling, so I checked on him in Fall 2015.

To my horror, he lost massive amounts of weight and wasn't doing well.

He later was diagnosed with neurosarcoidosis, which he didn't want to treat with steroids.

He later developed Parkinson's disease and died of pneumonia at 65 a year ago.

May his soul rest in peace.

2018, I was potentially moving into a new apartment with some friends.

One I met who was my friend's friend.

She told me her story about how her Dad passed away by suicide, and it rocked her.

We were looking for a place and found an apartment, but we needed everyone's approval.

She could have been more responsive to our calls and texts.

I told my friend to stop because she was depressed and she was isolating herself.

She finally called us and said sorry, but she was depressed.

My friend was taken aback by my revelation.

I told him I had a gut feeling.

I have experienced so many times in my life knowing things before they happen.

I would get a glimpse of the future and piece a narrative together.

Another time, growing up, I knew my sister was pregnant before anyone told me.

I was 12 or 13.

I wondered about this phenomenon in my twenties and did my research.

I stumbled upon a book called Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre.

This book was incredible and gave me a lot of context as to why I could perceive the nonverbal world around me accurately.

I had a special gift of hyper-attunement and awareness, which often led to the phenomenon of mind reading.

According to the book, I had this ability because of my survival style when I was young.

Dr. Laurence Heller's NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) defines adaptive survival styles as essential processes that were initially crucial for survival and well-being.

The unmet core needs caregivers provide during our formative years hinder the development of vital capacities essential for our growth.

Instead, we develop workarounds to compensate for the lack of those capacities.

These workarounds (adaptive survival styles) were necessary and lifesaving at the time.

As adults, our survival styles can create challenges, especially when we're triggered, in survival mode, or experiencing emotional flashbacks.

Those who embrace attunement adaptations often set aside their own needs, cultivating a remarkable ability to deeply understand and meet the needs of others with unwavering compassion and strength.

This can border on mind-reading.

We can become masters of empathy - great therapists, coaches, teachers, nurses, etc.

Or any situation that demands the skill to genuinely connect with others, grasp their desires and needs, and respond accordingly—like exceptional party hosts or skilled marketers, for instance.

They are exceptional individuals who genuinely care about others and significantly contribute to their lives.

As a person who lives with a chronic illness known as Schizophrenia and Bipolar, it makes a lot of sense as to why I have developed these conditions.

My Mom and Dad could not have known better raising their six children.

As I learn, grow, and heal from my childhood trauma, I've come to understand and forgive my parents, giving them a massive amount of grace and forgiveness.

My Dad was emotionally absent growing up and didn't attune to my emotional needs.

He was an incredible provider and adapted to the market.

When I was born, it was hard to understand the world.

I had breathing problems and hearing problems, and I couldn't speak well.

I often cried a lot, and I was bullied at school.

My Mom did her best to soothe me; overall, I had a great childhood.

And at the same time, there's a correlation between my childhood upbringing, my mental condition, and my deep empathy for the world.

I deeply cherish my parents and feel immense pride in being their child.

It's remarkable how we develop and how our perception of the world develops in our early development.

One last example of my empathy is when I visited Haiti at 17.

I spent a week there on a mission trip through our church.

I was in a leadership program, and as part of the program, we had to do a hundred hours of community service a year.

By going to Haiti, we accumulated most of those hours.

Anyway, I saw and experienced so much devastation and poverty when I was there.

It shook me to the core, and when I got back, I had, what I believe, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the experience.

I couldn't stop crying when I relived the memories of the trip. I sobbed.

I was filled with sorrow and pain for the Haitian people.

This experience in Haiti, witnessing such devastation and poverty, deeply affected me.

It was a turning point that inspired me to pursue nursing and to use my skills to heal and make a difference.

That was my dream, to save the world through medicine.

However, as I got older and the fact that I didn’t get into nursing school, I decided to pursue a different path and become a massage therapist.

I aim to use the power of touch to heal those under stress.

I start school in January and am at peace with pursuing this career path.

I envision establishing a wellness company dedicated to empowering those facing chronic conditions, utilizing the healing power of touch, compassion, and empathy.

My mission is to provide support and transformative experiences that restore hope and improve quality of life.

I also want to share my wisdom through writing and applying the principles I have learned over the years.

I'd love to hear from you if you resonated with this post.

Drop a comment or message me at barnaby@barnabyalkire.com.

Thank you.