In the Shadows: A Poem

Driving down the turnpike

Attempting to take a hike

Spiked with dopamine flowing through my brain

I strain to maintain my silence

In the darkness where no shadow lies

I spy on my thoughts

As I might get caught

I fought for peace between my ears

The sound reverberates through the air

As I declare peace piece by piece

I dare not share what may be unfair

The void in my heart that was from the start

How long will I face this bitter taste of mental illness

Leaving me an absence of stillness.

One moment, I am manic, which sends me into a panic

The next, I am dying by not trying to pick myself up

Laying there in my despair, unable to share my misery

Alas, I am the Ferris wheel of these dreaded emotions

It goes high up like my mania, then down low like my depression, and cycles round and round.

Get me off this ride.

I must confide that you say to me it must be in stride

Take it easy, you say. Lighten up, you share with a warm embrace

However, that tastes bitter and makes me want to go to the shitter

I sit here, expelling my waste in the face of doing something I can’t control.

I extolled you for chasing after me and giving me hope

But the rope around my neck as I interject with you is what is going to free me from this life of strife

I’ll take my meds, but it sheds my humanity

I am numb to all that I won’t succumb to maladaptive behaviors

Who will be my savior?

Surely not meds, as I tread upon them like a needle through a thread

The eye bears all light

Despite my imbalance of chemicals

I want to be freed from this prison

My vision is not to have a division of polarity

I say to myself, "Self, we are going to tear apart this idea from the start that we are ill."

We are well, and we will be well.