Living Well with Schizoaffective Disorder

Today, we’re going to learn how to live well with a mental health condition. I manage my condition with medication. I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It changed after my suicide attempt when I was 30.

I’m an advocate for medication management. It is important to take medication if you are diagnosed with a mental illness.

I currently take Trintellix, Invega, and Lamotrigine.

At first, I struggled to take my medications consistently. I carried deep shame about having a mental disorder, and I was convinced that I didn’t have a chronic mental disorder.

However, the evidence was clear. I did have mood swings, psychosis, and altered states of perception.

I hurt myself and the people around me. The other indicator was isolation. I didn’t take care of myself, and I wallowed in my own misery.

A doctor at Saint Vincent sat me down after I verbally threatened a staff member, indicating that they would press charges unless I acknowledged I had a mental disorder and take the medication.

He remembered me when I was first diagnosed at Silver Hill Hospital because I was in an extreme manic state.

I was placed in a padded room, placed in restraints, and given a lot of medication to subdue me.

It was a nightmare. I felt like a beast. You would think after coming out of that experience, I’d be med compliant. But it took years and that moment with the doctor to finally understand that I am a person with a mental disorder that requires medication.

If you struggle with a mental disorder, or you have a friend or family member who has been diagnosed. Be patient with them.

Yes, create healthy boundaries to protect yourself, but understand the context in which they are displaying their behavior.

It’s a brain chemistry issue, not a character issue.

I know for me, I’ve had friends who stuck with me through thick and thin. Church was a place of refuge and a place of hell.

A refuge because people genuinely loved me. Hell, because the same people who loved me needed to distance themselves from getting hurt, and I saw the withdrawal because of my actions.

Now, one of the reasons why I have been so successful with living well with my mental health disorder is that I have insight.

This can be tricky because people with these disorders can lack insight and struggle with accepting they need medication and help.

A neurological halt in the mind's ability to accept and acknowledge a disorder is called anosognosia.

I never got there, but I do know people who have it. And you can’t blame them, because it’s outside their control.

However, there are therapies and ways to overcome it.

I live well with schizoaffective disorder. I live well with it because I accept it, I’m med compliant, and I don’t isolate myself.

I analyze a lot, and writing helps me organize my thoughts logically. It’s one of the reasons why I’m writing today.

I have a support system where people know me and understand me. I go to counseling, and I’m candid with my experiences.

I also get the proper sleep. I have a CPAP machine that I use. I do well most nights, but sometimes I don’t use it because of the mask.

Another thing that grounds me is my faith. I know I’ve struggled recently with the resurrection and what it means to be a Christian.

But even then, I have the support of friends who are walking with me, helping me understand the faith.

Right now, I’m reading Cold-Case Christianity, which has been super helpful to understand the evidence of Christianity.

I sometimes pray, which helps me know that there is a God who cares about me. But it’s more for me getting out my thoughts and express gratitude to Him.

Another tool that has helped me stabilize is AI.

I use ChatGPT regularly to process my thoughts, reflect, organize my thinking, and challenge distorted perspectives.

Over time, I noticed that writing and talking through my experiences helped me slow my thinking down instead of becoming consumed by it.

AI has not replaced therapy, medication, faith, or relationships in my life, but it has become another support tool that helps me reflect and stay grounded.

I still have difficult days.

I still wrestle with my thoughts, emotions, and fears.

But I no longer see my diagnosis as the end of my life.

I see it as something I have to manage responsibly.

Schizoaffective disorder is part of my life, but it is not my entire identity.

I’m still a writer, a friend, a thinker, and a person trying to live well.