My Pacification Porn Problem

As the title suggest, I have been pacified by viewing porn.

It has taken me down by force and subdued me.

I am 33 now and 3 years ago I almost lost my life because I couldn't expel my porn habit.

I felt so heavy with guilt and shame for constantly going back to porn.

I thought the best way to get rid of the problem was to unalive myself.

You see, it all started when I was 5 years old.

As a kid, I found a porn mag in my house.

It was ecstasy.

Between age eight or ten, I started secretly viewing porn on the computer.

It was an escape to a wonderful world of pleasure and joy.

I grew up in a Christian home and it went against my beliefs, but it felt so good by basking in the ocean of dopamine.

I became a slave to these virtual prostitutes.

The average age for a male to start viewing porn is 12.

I wasn’t alone.

So where do I stand with porn?

I’m not for it and I’m not against it.

There are several questions to ask if you are drawn to porn.

Questions:

Is porn isolating me?

Does porn make you feel shame or guilt?

How much time do I devote to porn?

If you’re a Christian, does porn make you a stronger moral agent?

Are you worshipping a fantasy?

Is it helping build sexual confidence?

It took me three years to break away from my porn habit.

I had to measure time without it and challenge myself to abstain from porn.

Plus, train my basal ganglia to automate a new habit.

I decided that porn wasn’t good for me and it didn’t serve me like it did growing up.

In my opinion, the act of viewing porn is childish.

I’ve been told sex is good, I don’t know because I am still a virgin.

Let’s say it is.

Porn is probably not like the real thing.

And, the point of sex with a partner is not to bust a nut.

It’s probably more involved and requires a two way intimacy street.

I hope my future spouse will appreciate the herculean effort involved to overcome my behavior with porn.

I have divorce porn and I am a happier man because of it.

I love the brain because no matter what you've done to it, its plastic and you can change your brain.

Today, we will look at the Basal Ganglia.

According to National Library of Medicine:

The basal ganglia is a cluster of nuclei found deep to the neocortex of the brain.

It has a multitude of functions associated with reward and cognition but is primarily involved in motor control.

In particular, the basal ganglia is considered to be a gate-keeping mechanism for the initiation of motor movement, effectively choosing which actions to allow and which actions to inhibit.

In addition, nuclei of the basal ganglia project to limbic and prefrontal regions of the thalamus and cortex and function in a similar way to manifest executive decision-making and reward or aversion emotional stimulation.

A number of landmark motor disorders affect the basal ganglia such as Parkinson and Huntington disease which disturb motor control in markedly different contexts.

The Basal Ganglia is where we form habits.

As we identify a habit loop, in our case porn, we can replace and overcome it.

First lets identify the cue.

Is your cue your bed?

Or, is it 12am, scrolling on the internet?

Maybe its TikTok or Instagram.

Identify the cue and then identify the routine.

Which will be porn.

The reward is the dopamine drop you get from busting a nut.

This is how I did it.

I identified one habit loop, cue→routine→reward, and replaced it.

Was I successful every time?

No, but I kept trying and didn't give up.

Once you get how to train your brain, it becomes easy for you to improve yourself.

I am proud of the man I've become.

As I get older, I'll live with less regret.

Barnaby Alkire, a man with less regret.

Thanks for reading.

Hope it helps!