Porn and The Mindset to Overcome It

I saw porn when I was five years old.

My innocence evaporated.

Later as I grew older, porn became a place to soothe the pain of abandonment and validation.

As of today, I no longer practice going to that place to soothe my pain.

I didn't do it by counting the days.

I didn't sign up for a course to overcome porn.

I didn't use accountability software.

I didn't practice blocking sites.

All of them can be helpful, and I'm going to knock the process to overcome porn.

My belief is there's no magic bullet in overcoming porn.

You have to question everything and your motives and decide whether porn is serving you or holding you back.

For example, is watching naked women or men increasing my view toward sex or diminishing it?

Or is porn giving me a real expectation of what it means to be in a two-way relationship?

Is it self-serving?

We can go on with the questions, and it's only up to you if the answers point to porn being something you practice in your life.

I appreciate the effort like Mac from Porn Free Milenllinal.

It brings joy that he is standing in the gap and giving a voice bound to porn.

It allows me to do the same and give perspective on how I have dealt with this soothing mechanism.

Accountability is good.

I've had a lot of accountability software and partners in my life.

Did it help?

Maybe.

I think at the time, I was hoping that an external force would change my heart to being so inundated with this process of calming the pain inside of me.

What helped me give perspective to the soothing mechanism was Gabor Maté.

He has helped people riddled with addiction.

Hopeless.

He has found the question that points people on the path of recovery.

Why the pain?

Porn is not the problem.

Does porn lead to evil things?

Yes.

Does it help and give growth to your life?

I don't think so.

But I could be wrong.

The real problem is the pain that's inside of you.

Why do you run to something external to soothe the pain?

In my case, it was porn, but for you, it could be drugs or drinking, or cigarettes or overeating.

Whatever it is, these soothing mechanisms nullify the pain inside you.

I am becoming a proponent of focusing on today.

Not even today.

The next second and then the next second.

I chose each second to abstain from something that may not be healthy for me.

Then there's grace.

One second, I allowed myself to soothe with my former vice.

Okay, fine.

Now focus on the seconds that you're not practicing the vice.

Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be human.

We are imperfect, and a work of art is being crafted into a masterpiece.

There are going to be mistakes or purposeful strokes on the canvas.

It may look obscene or ugly, and at the same time, it's all coming together in the bigger picture.

I am a product of mindfulness, and I don't believe you have to spend money to change your behavior, which is the name of the game.

It takes action and failing and a step in the desired direction.

I chose not to look at porn because it gave me a lot of negative emotions like shame and guilt.

I felt like that was better than repeating myself and returning to my own vomit.

Did this help?

Feel free to let me know.

At the end of the day, porn needs to be replaced inwardly.

We can examine how the basal ganglia forms habits, which, when broken down, require a cue, then a routine, and a reward.

Once we identify the habit loop, we can replace it with something else.

I replaced porn with a deep understanding of love and grace in my life.

I don't have to chase dopamine to feel fulfilled or whole.

That's the whole point of Mindfully Whole Coaching.

Thanks

Mac

for being an inspiration.

We live today for a better tomorrow.