The Leadership Diaries: Leading with Emotional Intelligence
A deep dive look at Emotional Intelligence.
"If your emotional abilities aren't in hand if you don't have self-awareness if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far."
~ Daniel Goleman
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to manage one's own emotions and understand the emotions of others.
There are five key elements to EI:
• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Social skills.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to understand one's own strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations.
It's about having a clear picture of who one is, what drives one, and how one interacts with others.
Self-awareness can help you:
Take better care of yourself
Have deeper relationships
Live a more fulfilling life
Be more proactive
Boost your acceptance
Encourage positive self-development
Make better decisions
Improve your job performance
Enhance your self-confidence
Some ways to increase your self-awareness include:
Practicing mindfulness
Meditation
Practicing yoga
Making time to reflect
Journaling
I went into hyper-awareness mode while working for Hearst Media Company as a Recruitment Sales Consultant.
My experience at Samanage, a tech startup in NC, was a pivotal moment in my understanding of leadership and emotional intelligence.
The fast-paced environment taught me the importance of self-regulation and empathy in leadership.
I learned to lead as a servant, understanding and managing my own emotions while also empathizing with the team's challenges.
At that time in NC, I had a mentor named Chris Gerhardt, a Chief Information Officer.
He took me under his wing and shared how he implemented leadership and effectively changed his company's culture.
He shared with me a book called Leading with a Limp: Take Full Advantage of Your Most Powerful Weakness by Dan Allender.
It was an eye-opening book, and I soaked up the information.
The book's message of embracing one's weaknesses and using them to lead effectively resonated with me deeply, shaping my approach to leadership.
Below are key points about the book:
Paradoxical Leadership:
The book challenges the traditional notion of leadership by suggesting that embracing one's weaknesses can paradoxically lead to greater effectiveness. In simpler terms, it's about turning your weaknesses into strengths, using them to connect with others and lead more effectively.
Facing Reality:
Allender encourages leaders to confront the complex realities of leadership, including the potential for failure, betrayal, and loneliness, rather than trying to avoid them.
Authenticity over Image:
By acknowledging their limitations, leaders can build trust with their followers by being genuine and transparent.
Finding Strength in Brokenness:
The "limp" represents a brokenness that can become a source of strength and empathy for others when acknowledged and worked through.
Five Leadership Challenges:
The book explores five key challenges leaders face: crisis, complexity, betrayal, loneliness, and weariness, providing strategies for navigating these situations with integrity.
As I began my new role as a recruitment sales consultant, I became very aware of the social dynamic and the office environment and how they made me feel.
I played the game, and I did well working there.
I felt like an imposter, but that's for another time.
As I was working, I had a situation with my manager.
We had a miscommunication between us, and it divided us.
I shared my perspective with HR on the matter, and after explaining everything, my HR manager told me that I am very self-aware for my age.
That was the first time I became aware of my self-awareness. :D
Anyway, Hearst didn't work out, and it wasn't what I wanted to do.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behavior and reactions.
Self-regulation helps children and teenagers learn, behave well, get along with others, and become independent.
Self-regulation begins to develop rapidly in the toddler and preschool years.
An example of self-regulation for me was when I was hit in the face by my classmate in my first year of high school.
He was upset because I played a little rough during foot hockey in gym class.
He wanted me to fight him, but I said no and walked away.
He insisted on fighting, but I didn't want to.
He became frustrated and hit me in the face.
I fell to the ground from the hit, got up, and notified the security guard.
I kept my composure and wanted to show my leadership skills to my church because I was in a Path Of Success Students for Excellence leadership program.
My pastor was proud of me and gave a sermon on me for turning the other cheek.
It wouldn't be the last time I was assaulted in my life, but that's for another time.
Motivation
Motivation is a complex internal state that drives people and animals to pursue goals.
It's the force that explains why people start, continue, or stop certain behaviors at specific times.
Motivation is influenced by many factors, including:
How much you want to achieve your goal
What you'll gain if you achieve your goal
What you'll lose if you don't achieve your goal
Your personal expectations
Here are some tips to help you stay motivated:
Exercise consistently
Create a creative ritual before you start a project
Start each day with a meditation ritual
Create a "power down" routine before bed
Empathy
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to see the world through another's eyes and truly feel their emotions.
When you step into someone else's shoes, you open yourself to the possibility of compassionate action, inspiring you to make a positive difference in their lives.
This connection alleviates their suffering and enriches their emotional well-being, fostering a deeper and more meaningful connection.
Social Skill
A social skill is any competence that facilitates interaction and communication with others in which social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways.
These skills are invaluable in both personal and professional settings.
Positive interpersonal skills include:
Persuasion
Active listening
Delegation
Hospitality
Stewardship
I have always had a natural talent for being a social butterfly.
From a young age, I enjoyed understanding others and asking thoughtful questions to discover more about them.
Growing up in a church environment gave me valuable opportunities to engage socially and refine my ability to connect with people.
Conclusion
My parents, my school, my community, and my church instilled in me leadership principles from an early age.
I learn from early on to respect and show dignity to others.
My father was a great example of that.
I also learned and applied the golden rule: do unto others as you would be done unto you.
Regarding faith, I learned to love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength and to love my neighbor as myself.
It was important to me to have high integrity, but I failed there because it took many years to integrate integrity and consistency with my sexuality.
I used to practice porn, and it was something that I struggled with since I was a child.
By God's grace, I don't struggle anymore, and I am not addicted.
This concludes this entry of my new series: The Leadership Diaries.
I hope you enjoyed it.