When the World Turns Black & White
My brain was a sponge when I was younger.
I enjoyed learning new philosophies, having new experiences, and being physically active.
I love swing dancing, salsa dancing, singing, and playing the ukulele.
I would be immersed in that world of joy and bliss of the arts.
I had a hearty laugh, and the jokes were unending.
Dad jokes were my kryptonite.
Like this one:
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Damn.
Hahaha hahaha…
Jokes like that always put a smile on my face.
Meeting new people came easy, and I enjoyed the small talk that usually led to deeper conversations.
Life was pretty colorful and bright.
In college, I was known to have a bright eye and a bushy tail.
I remember having so much energy and vibrancy for life.
I was highly ambitious and had something to prove to myself and the world.
Slowly, as my depression crept in, my world began to lose its color.
The more I experienced my depression and psychosis, the more it was hard to regain the color that was in my life.
The blackness of shame coated my soul and bogged me down.
I was absent of elation and joy and filled with despair.
That’s when I learned about anhedonia.
Anhedonia is the idea that you lose pleasure in activities that used to give you pleasure.
It’s possible that your limbic system, specifically the nucleus accumbens, was compromised.
There is no cure for it; however, with therapy, medication, and awareness, you can overcome anhedonia.
For me, I felt a night and day difference with Trintellix.
Lithium kept me at bay with mania and depression.
Then there’s Invega that managed my psychosis.
These three medicines have brought me back from the grave, and I can experience life again.
Plus, being aware of this condition has helped me frame a better understanding of the world.
If you’re experiencing anhedonia and you are in a depression, there’s hope, and you are not alone.
We will overcome this together, and if you need it, 988 is there to talk to somebody if you’re in a crisis.
You got this!